Wolf's Daily Howl

[IleneW]

I wrote about my father on Father's Day, but I'm writing about him again today
because this is the eighteenth anniversary of his passing.

My father was the oldest child in a family of six children.

His mother was sweet and fun loving. His father was all kinds of abusive.

Daddy told me stories about how, as a little boy, his father would supposedly
take him for a fun day at the park but instead, they would end up at the home
of whatever woman his father was seeing on the side. Daddy would sit on the
couch in the woman's home waiting for his father's daliance-du-jour to be over
and then they'd go home.

My father was a bright boy and was moved into the excelerated section of
his eight grade class. He was studying advanced coursework when his father
told him that he wouldn't be going to school anymore. His father took him to
the button factory to work ------ yes ----- full-time. With Daddy's income
secured, my grandfather abandoned the family of seven, six kids and my
grandmother. I don't know anything about my grandfather after that. I
don't know whether he ever returned and was never spoken of, or whether
he was then gone forever.

And that was that. At age fourteen, my father was responsible for supporting
all his siblings and his mother.

Despite that, my father was always a happy guy.

And then he married my mother. My mother, the narcissist.
Happily, they were a near perfect match. He adored her.

I adored my father.

He endured much. He survived much. He laughed often.

My Daddy gave me the kind of love that helped me understand what
love was supposed to be.

If I'd been a baby when he died, I'd be an adult by now. In a way,
I feel like I have grown up, in the years he's been gone.

He probably wouldn't much like what I've been saying about his wife,
my mother. But I know he'd love me, no matter what.

And I will always love him.

[Shen]

He sounds like a wonderful father and man.
How very lucky you were to have him... and him you.

[IleneW]

Well ---- first of all ---- there's famed director Roman Polanski ---- a thoroughly talented creative mind and a child rapist. Thirty years ago, Polanski sexually assaulted a thirteen year-old girl.

According to CNN, the director pleaded guilty in 1977 to a single count of having unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor, acknowledging he had sex with a 13-year-old girl. But he fled the United States before he could be sentenced, and U.S. authorities have had a warrant for his arrest since 1978.

Polanski has been living overseas, and the Swiss courts just refused to extradite him to the U.S. so he is a semi-free man. Should he travel beyond France or Switzerland, he might just be nabbed and sent to the U.S. Otherwise, his rape of a child goes unpunished.

Then there's Mel Gibson. I'm not putting up the link of what is purported to be him recorded recently for two reasons. One is that the audio piece has not been corroborated as absolutely being him. Second, is that the sound of this raging male on the tape could trigger the vulnerable. It's really awful. If anyone wants to listen to this for themselves, you can go to a site called: radar on line.com.

Having said all that, my hunch is that the tape leaked to the media is Mel Gibson. I say this because in recent years, the actor has been gone on record as being anti-semetic and bigoted against many other minorities. In my personal experience, there's a heigh correlation between being hateful to one segment of the population and being hateful to others.

In the tape, the male ---- in a serious rage ----- calls the women every name you can think of, tells her that she deserved him having struck her while she held their baby, putting one or more of her teeth out, and threatening to kill her. The man actually refers to his spiritual needs. Hhhhmmmmm.

Roman Polanski is no longer a working director. On TV today, they said that Gibson has enough money to produce any movie he wants to, so he doesn't need the Hollywood money-people to back him. Frankly, I don't see myself sitting through anything that has his name on it.

You?

[Shen]

It makes me absolutely sick... especially today when I have spent so much time living in the past. I had a very intense session with C today, and I knew it was coming. I actually set up a second appt for wed before we started today. Since the Soul Retrieval some new pieces have been opening up and the stories are unraveling and it is - well - not so much that I never knew it, but I know there are things I never said out loud before. They may not be the kinds of things you think...

The thing is, when a child is made to feel so worthless, she doesn't want the world to know her own parent sees her this way. It feels shameful to tell people what is going on at home because it feels as if they will know just how bad you are. After all, if the one who is supposed to take care of you thinks you are worthless, how can anyone else think anything different.
Better that they don't know.

I wrote about it at my blog... if you want the details. It is two events, one from when I was eleven (although in my head it has always been age ten, I thought) and the other from when I was twelve.

I'm sorry for the girl who knows her rapist runs free. How devalued she must feel. And I'm sorry for anyone who is under the control of a man with power.

[IleneW]

The flow has been stopped.


Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shen]

Yes - just heard that too, although they are saying it is a "temporary measure" and they have to closely monitor the pressure of the "cap".

I hope this really is the solution, and that they can now begin to clean up the horrible mess the spill has left in the gulf.

I've hear that there are people in the Netherlands who have a "oil spill crises team" who offered their help to us when this first started... and we refused it. They have ships and trained workers and a plan of action designed to help clean up just this kind of thing, and our government told them, no, we can handle it better ourselves.

It makes me furious to think about that. First of all, why would we refuse this kind of help? Secondly, why isn't this more prominant in the news - this is a horrible mis-handling of the situation, in my opinion. Thirdly, why didn't we - the US - have a crises plan for this eventuality??

[IleneW]

Yes. Sadly the leak fix is having new issues.

At least there were a few days that were leak-free.

Hopefully, a permanent resolution sssooooooooonnnnnn!

I've had a struggle getting a Howl up.

I wanted it to be on a topic of value. For the moment,
I'm giving up on that and am just going to howl, on my
own stuff.

There's actually something I'm delighted to be able to howl about.

Those who've known me for awhile know that my personal demon
is getting my house orderly and beautiful. I love serene and
beautiful environments, inside and out. My garden has been great,
for a couple years now. But my interior? Not so much!!!!!!!!

Truth be told, it's deteriorated to a state that's overwhelming.
It's the same kind of thing as being seriously overweight. Everything
about both, getting started and sticking with what's necessary for a
resolution ------ feels practically impossible.

But I've been feeling increasing energy, and over last weekend, I
made a start. If one were to get a look inside, you'd have to ask:
Hhhuhhh? Where?????????????

But it's a start that with my increasing energy and absolute determination
may mean that I'm finally on my way.

So ------ I'll give the oil leak fix it's due. Looks like it still needs work
but it's already been a small improvement.

And my own environmental mess? I'll give myself a pat on the back for
making a start. It's only a start, but sometimes getting a thing started
may be the hardest thing. So ---- good for me, for making a start.

My actions from here on out will tell the tale. My goal is to
change my lifestyle, overall. I have a lovely home, and intend
to be able to enjoy it. The resolution will be a long-term one,
exactly as if I was seriously overweight and needed to get fit
and stay fit.

Send prayers for resolution to the gulf and please send your
good thoughts to me, in my embryonic endeavor to get my
environment, first. . . . . better, and ultimately. . . . . beautiful.

Much love to you all.

[Shen]

First... I have to object to your saying (basically) "I'm not going to post about anything important - only about me"
hah!
You are important! You have a lot to share and we can all learn from your personal stuff.

Second...
I am right there with you. My house was a disaster and most of it still is. About two weeks ago I cleaned my room. No big deal, right? I carried out five giant garbage bags of clothes to go to Good Will, three bags of garbage, a huge box of recycling... and then I had my husband help me with the large items - a treadmill that has only been used as a handle for my husband to pull himself out of bed in the morning for years, a keyboard that hasn't worked in this century, and speakers that were not hooked up to anything -leftover from my husband's college days. (a sentimentle thing? who knows)

It's all gone now - all the crap and extra baggage I didn't need and it feels GOOD!

Then - I took down the shrine. My daughter has not lived here in three years - and it's six years since she first went to college. Yet, all her high-school awards, childhood trophies, knickknacks, etc were still in her room.

No more! they are all in bins - she looked through the stuff I took down and asked me to keep most of it until she has a house (rather than a small apartment) so that is going in the basement. I painted the room this week and it looks WONDERFUL! and it feels just as good.

This house is huge - almost 6000 square feet and I've probably covered a few hundred of them by doing these two rooms. So - a drop in the bucket, but it feels really good to at least have made a start.

and - the garden? I haven't even put one in this year.
oh well, cant' do everything, right?

love

[IleneW]

(These are not all my original words, but a compilation of several on-line articles.)


SALT LAKE CITY — Prosecutors say a jailed South Salt Lake man facing charges in an assault on his wife found a unique way to send her letters begging her not to testify against him in a domestic violence case: He mailed them to her cat.

Ronald Charles Dallas was arrested in March for investigation of assaulting his wife. According to charges filed Tuesday in 3rd District Court, Dallas mailed 11 letters intended for his wife to her neighbor and to her cat, named Molly Judge.

Dallas, 32, has been ordered to have no contact with his wife, the alleged victim in a domestic violence case against him, the charges state.

In one letter, Dallas wrote: "I'm taking this assault charge to trial on the 30th. I'm scared, but I know deep in my heart that you will not testify against me no matter what, because you told me you wouldn't, but I'm scared that you will because you're mad at me still."

In another letter, Dallas pleads with his wife not to testify against him, according to court documents.

The defendant is charged with 11 counts of violation of a protective order and two counts of tampering with a witness, all third-degree felonies.

================================

I get the feeling that this jerk has some innate insight
that the cat has a higher I.Q. than HE does.

[IleneW]

I absolutely adore summer ----- heat, humidity, poison ivy, insects ------ whatever.
I love summer.

When July is winding into its final days, I feel sad.

Since I last posted, I've been trying to find a topic to discuss, that I feel
is worth your time and mine.

Here's a thought that has come across my transom twice already today,
and it's only a quarter past one.

A few hours ago, I was on the phone, coaching a thirty year-old woman
who, the same as so many of us, is on her journey towards integration
and health. After we spoke for ten minutes, and having given her some
very specific suggestions, I asked her what she had heard of what I had
just said.

She replied:

Tomorrow, when I wake up, I will say:

It's a new day. I'm going to make a fresh start.
I'm going to do things the right way from now on.

I stopped her there and asked if that's what I had
just suggested. She said, "no." I asked her if she'd
gotten up and spoken those words or similar words
to those words, before. She said, "yes." I asked
her, if they'd worked for her, to this point. She
said, "no." Having said those words to herself
over and over, she was still a thirty year-old adult
woman living with her mother, and not going forward
in her life, as she'd envisioned and hoped for.

About a half hour later, I had the TV on and was
half watching a locally produced magazine show.
There was a "happiness" expert on. He was talking
about how being happy is basically a decision, and
he had started "happiness clubs" all around the state.

Let me be very clear, about what I'm about to say.
There is nothing wrong with positive affirmations.
There is nothing wrong with announcing a decision
to be positive and happy.

I'm all for positivity. I'm emphatically affirming of the
decision to be happy.

Where I take exception with this focus, is that, this
approach without any deeper exploration, doesn't address
our personal experiences in our totalilty. Positivity, without
any acknowledgement of the very real tragedies in life that
almost no one completely escapes, runs the risk of invalidating
our real lives.

Is it good for us to be positive? Yes, yes ---- YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it good for us to decide to be happy???? ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If it's possible for you to be unequivocally positive, if it's possible
for you to decide to be happy, and the be happy. . . . . . AWESOME.

But for those of us whose life has been and may still be, a struggle. . .
we may have to attend to the dark corners, the ominous echoes,
the shadows and the demons. . . . . . before we get to positive
and happy.

Am I out to lunch?
What's your experience?