What's your take on this?

[CreativeWoman]

Thank you Ilene for reading, and responding with words of encouragement and support--it really goes a LONG way, believe me.

My kids finished their school year, and now we're into summer vacation...so far not too bad.

My son came home from a BBQ cookout at his dad's parents' house on Sunday, with an ipod of his own. He was thrilled his dad gave him his old one. It needed to be charged, so after he was asleep I charged it a bit and looked through it to check for appropriateness of the contents...I was SHOCKED at some of the material that was on there for my son to be able to hear! I looked up some of the songs' lyrics and couldn't believe the language and the content of them. The "n" word, the "f" word, the "m-f" word, "b" word, etc...unbelievably bad stuff, it was really raunchy and downright disgusting. Totally demeaning to women, and human beings in general! I deleted some of what I could so far, to get rid of the really bad stuff.

My kids still love listening to "kids' music," like "Arthur" songs, CD's from VBS and Sunday school, and lots of Christian music in general... I couldn't believe his father would give him that music...totally a bad parenting decision, IMHO.

I emailed my ex about it yesterday, and he basically said it had been siting at his parents' house for a year and my son wanted it so he gave it to him, and he didn't even remember what was on it from so long ago... (what about saying "no"? Or adapting the ipod to get rid of the really bad stuff before he gave it to him?) I think it's important to be sure that what our kids are listening to and watching on TV are are safe and healthy for them.


ARGH!!!!

[CreativeWoman]

One more thing...


Saturday, June 26, is my son's birthday--he will be 8. I loved him from the MOMENT I found out he was growing inside of me. I was the one who felt his kicks and back-flips in utero, and not only threw up many times, but also peed when I'd sneeze... I was the one who labored all day and spent several hours pushing this child out to his birth. He was my son! I was elated!

From his life before birth, to his birth, to every birthday ever since...I've been there, celebrating with him.

This weekend, per visitation schedule from the divorce, he'll be with his dad. I won't be with him on his birthday...it's really weird. I'm feeling a bit sad about it. He's a huge part of my life, and I'm a huge part of his life, and it's natural for a mother and son to be together when the son has his 8th birthday...but it won't be so for us. Especially due to the nature of WHY he won't be with me on his birthday, (my ex was/is abusive, and he was unfaithful to the marriage), I feel cheated out of this milestone event in my own son's life. It feels unnatural, it feels sad, and I feel a sense of loss.

This year I will call to wish my son a "Happy Birthday." Even though we'll be apart, it's a connection we'll always share--he was born from me, and I gave birth to him. It's my special day too, and I will celebrate it even though he will be elsewhere--it's simply part of our unique mother-child connection. I will make sure it's a happy day.

[IleneW]

Oh ---- CW ------

Your reflections on your son's birthday is so moving, so powerful.

I understand that even though ----- with great strength and courage ------
you got yourself and your children out from under the roof of your narcissistic,
abusive ex, the result is still so far from perfect that it's hard to say that there's
been an improvement in your life.

You've shared with us the struggles you've had with inappropriate behaviors
your son has exhibitied during the past year. How hard this all is.

I guess all I'd really like to say, in response to what you wrote on the occasion
of your son's up-coming birthday:

Congratulations. Congratulations on conceiving and birthing a beautiful,
precious chld. Even though he has challenges surrounding his development,
his conception within you, was miraculous. His birth from your womb into
this world was miraculous. There are more miracles in store for him and for
you.

Congratulations on your son's upcoming birthday and also for birthing your
sweet little girl. You are a wonderful mother and a strong, courageous woman.

Much love to you and your children and best prayers to you for these days
directly before you and all the years ahead.

[CreativeWoman]

Thank you so very much, Ilene. Much love to you as well.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is an email I just wrote to my mom a few minutes ago:

Hi Mom,
I feel sad and lonely today. I needed the break from the kids, but it's hitting me today how different my life is from what I had planned or hoped it would be. I thought I was going to be with a loving husband for the rest of my life and raise children together...it's so different, what I got.

I feel nervous about all my responsibilities, too. I'm looking for my ATT (authorization to test) letter for scheduling and taking my RN boards. I know I have it, but things got stuck in all different places during the move, and I'm overwhelmed with looking for it.

I feel sad unpacking [Daughter's] "last day of school" backpack. Unpacking her nametag for her cubby in Kindergarten and some of her written work makes me feel like her childhood is passing by and I'm missing out on what I had hoped for.

I feel like I should be cleaning the house, exercising, etc. Then I feel guilty that I'm not outside in this gorgeous weather... I don't know what to do and I'm overwhelmed by all the choices and my indecision---it's almost amusing how indicisive I am feeling.

It's quiet here. I like peace and quiet, but in a way it's lonely-feeling. I feel weird like that.

I miss love, Mom. I hope "true love" is something I experience at some point in my life. I feel like I'm missing out somehow, on what should be the best part of my life. I wanted to raise an intact, loving, peace-filled (most of the time) functional, happy family--2 good parents and 2 loved children who get the best of what both parents have to offer. I'm disappointed, to be honest. I feel like I'm so overwhelmed with [Son's] issues that I don't have any of the good parts of me to offer them. I'm always playing catch-up, always managing catastrophes...I want to enjoy the kids' childhood a little bit more, and not alone. I don't want to hurt the kids more, by being grouchy and irritable so much.

I need peace.

Call me later if you feel like it.

love, Amy

[CreativeWoman]

Hi all,

Just a quick shout of celebration to share with you guys--

After starting out on my own last January with the kids and me as a single mother, and having to go through all the hoops of reinstating my RN license in order to obtain employment (intense refresher course, a hospital clinical rotation, and then the NCLEX state Board test again).... I registered and took my NCLEX exam 2 days ago, on Wednesday. It was SO HARD that I figured I'd have to take it again...but I just got the results this evening, and I PASSED it!

One major accomplishment completed, praise God!!!!

Now I don't have to study all the time and can play with my kids without the RN-thing hanging over my head anymore. I'll look for employment in September once my kids are both in all-day school...

*whew!*

[IleneW]

YYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy


Your FABULOUS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shen]

with so much going on, kudos on remembering your own goals and life! Congrats!