Gifts to Self

[LOVEWHO.U.R]

THANK YOU, Both!

I see it as weakness goes to weakness......disease with itself!
The dysfunctional share the fog and ugliness......together.
I see a abuser as the weak........the strong do not have to abuse.
I see a abuser as the underminer of even their own and keeping their own weak.
A weak pack.....a weak family does not prevail or seek God.

[LOVEWHO.U.R]

I guess I am tired of saying a abuser really has strength or power....to give anything of value to anyone for they can not do so for they are too full of disease to ever do virtue, teach good character, compassion, or protect anyone from anything accept undermine the very gifts they have from God. I say they never smell like a rose........it is a misnomer.

i DO NOT KNOW WHAT....TO SAY.....ACCEPT THANKS......

UNDERSTANDING A ILLNESS of much of mankind.....A BAD NATURE....INHERENT.....IN SOME.....FOR THEY DO NOT SEEK ANYTHING OF FAMILY VALUE.....GOD'S FAMILY Value....!!!

Which I do not want power to sit with anymore..in my thoughts or heart.

I am tired of sending that message within me.....

Kind of like in anything you give that....??? to is that???

A abuser does not want anyone to be free and happy!

[IleneW]

Hi LWUR ----

Yes, of course. An abuser is inherently, cowardly.

But a child's psyche does not perceive it that way.

Hang on, honey.

You've made it this far.

YOU are so very, very strong.

You're a survivor.

You're a shining star.

Hang on. Hang on!!!

[LOVEWHO.U.R]

Sharing some positives....
I went to my first dmv counseling appointment...yesterday........my second eldest son took me as my car is broke down too now. Battery most likely. Trying to get help with fixing it....today. I thank God for his help.

I am very glad for their support....
I liked that they have differnet rules for their group sessions also...which is everything the other place did not have. (All the reasons I stopped the other places.) I thank God for her and have another appointment scheduled for next week.

I received a call for a new account for work and have an appointment for next week as this weeks appointment was rained out. I thank God for this!

[LOVEWHO.U.R]

Does it make sense that I no longer want to say harmful is powerful?

[LOVEWHO.U.R]

Thanks Ilene!

I pray for a non violent life...for me and him...and his brothers...???

Still!!!

I pray he is surrounded by the real and powerful mentors I know that live....for we have been blessed with that....many days.

[Shen]

You've come so far... I'm glad you can sometimes see the positives. I know it's hard when things get crazy, but they are there.

[LOVEWHO.U.R]

Thanks Shen!

[LOVEWHO.U.R]

Hi All!

Been awhile for an update....

So here some good news and bad as it goes....

Received a new account that's weekly and was told a company left and went to Boston so hopefully my work will pick up and has somewhat. A friend called and I am going to work for them at their Florist Shop on Valentine's day and maybe a couple of days before. As we talked and I shared my experience as I used to have a floral and nursery wholesale business years ago. She asked if I would cover for her daughter when she takes maternity leave in May. I said yes and we would work out me having time for my own business too as she would cover then or? Then talks of their needing signs painted and even some help with marketing skills I have to build their business and clientale. So I am looking forward to being around roses this coming week and having more income even though the wages are low. Its something...gas money, etc. And I so hope for new clients in my own business too.

My finances are a disaster....worse than ever....a family member lent me some money and two friends helped to fill my gas tank this week. Just having it filled feels so good. I am running on insurance of liability only and that is just what had to be done...don't like so much of what is but at least it feels like some income is now coming in to give some evidence that a momento can happen now in this new year.

My lawyer asked me to represent myself...a shock after they received attorneys fees of 5000.00 in December which brings it 8000.00. I was just feeling like calling the owner of the firm and asking him to call for work in reaching settlement of some sort. Since my husband actually voiced the high fees of attorneys with me and seemed a bit open towards a resolution. The talk was intense to say the least. I stood at the door to the outside and left the conversation twice. As the topic was moved to his reasoning and condemnation of me. Though much was revealed as to his abusive demeanor. I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not really. As I have no trust in his words as you all well know. He was asked about a paper I had written in which I asked about the rental property at first...which I was refused the information I asked for a 30 day notice to be achieved. And refused again to serve one to the tenant I have never met. As my attorneys had said they were handling my decision in December the day after my hearing. He was saying he had no knowledge of it. And further complicating this my attorney for the first time did not call me back to make sense of what I could or couldn't do pertaining to my moving out to our other home. So I went to a clinic for advise....some direction in this. As more things I consioder to be unprofessional had happened with my attorneys. I was given the ethics board number and questions to ask, etc. And told a professional opinion on this conduct of the attorney I have. Jeese..here I felt relief because they were awarded fees and here they are dumping me. And everything says I need to be represented ...period. So I was advised to get a paper trail going with my attorney and received and immediate call back after using the fax machine instead of their answering machine. Jeese I sat with this I have now incurred over 10,000 in fees and I sit here still, broke??? Definately wondering if they are serving me well ? But the boss answered my questions and was willing to call for settlement offers starting and gave me advise for the rental property issues. So I now have a call out to him again and a fax and m awaiting his call. Oh and faxed him a written offer my husband gave me just on his own math on x amount of dollars we would have if 50% of our homes and some personal property was considered. So to me this has been a week of forward progress even though I am still here. Nothing of his business or the cash was discussed but its a start at least. My lawyer said he was a liar which of course you'll get no argument from me on that. And we discussed the difficulties in my case because of it.

I have had 3 counseling sessions at the DMV center and that has been really good to have this support. It's once a week and helps me keep my momento. I like her and we seem to work well toge
ther. I feel she is competent and very helpful to me. I am so grateful to receive this counseling. People have just kept saying focus on the settlement issues and that is what helped them in their divorces whether abuse was or wasn't an issue.

Gosh I have read one of Ilene's analogies on leaving abuse....I do feel like I need so many people to help me to get to excavate myself out of this abusive relationship. So many faucets in need all at the same time....I feel like I have received many blessings in my financial hardship these passed couple of weeks which have added to helping me get passed that loss of my residence at this point. I was able to take my son to surf practice for the first time since the rains and vacation and my just being to broke to take him myself. I thank God for those around me that came to my aide in this....like having prayer's answered...what a blessing to get help from so many. Still have much to overcome and move towards. But at least it feels somewhat a forward movement.

A friend has just went through a surgery and its so hard to be in the dark about her...though today I received a tiny update. I hate knowing I could not be their supporting her through this like I would like to have been but this computer borrowing is what it is.

Have to go...

PEACE. LOVE AND JOY,
DIANE

[IleneW]

Hi Love ----

Good to hear from you.

Obviously, a mixed bag, but you're still standing.
Good for you!

I.